Thursday, 28 August 2014
I dreamt that the world burned.
It started on my street; everything was alight.
First the cars, then the houses, then the people.
Wildfire doesn't spread this fast. Wildfire isn't as all encompassing.
I dreamt the puddles, the animals, the rocks were so violently aflame that it set the sky on fire.
The world was burning, smouldering, screaming.
And then I dreamt the crows came back.
Monday, 18 August 2014
I have no idea whether it's the remnants of today's overdose of coffee running through my veins or just my brain going into panic mode that it can't deal with two solid weeks of work.
News flash; you're not that broken, you totally can.
It's ridiculous. I'm running on two hours sleep and my head is fried. I'm talking forgotten how to sleep, on the verge of hysterically crying fried.
It's twenty to one in the morning. I need to get up and be a fully functioning adult at five fifteen in the morning. How exactly is this going to work?
The brat and his console next door didn't help. I was thinking violent thoughts but I didn't act on them I swear. I'm just ranting on here because I can. Because I need to. This is my space after all, my little cave of the internet and I never ever use it.
Don't be like that. You're not useless. Your brain is just a little bit fried. Stop editing, train of thought keep it together. Talie. Right.
Will edit after. Not even looking at the screen. I really don't want to see all the mistakes.
But I'm tired ker-fucking-splat tired and I don't know what to do about it apart from write.
I always seem to be able to write when I'm on the verge of a meltdown. Good sign? Yet to be determined.
My cat is a snuggle monster and I love her.
I'm addicted to my phone. Fucking dating apps wouldn't you know. Am I actually going to meet the man/woman of my dreams on Tinder? Probably not. Lulutrixabelle, you have inspired a nation.
Doing a little experiment on men though. Saying yes to everyone instead of being picky. Boys do it all the time yet they don't like it when its done to them. Stop editing. Stop looking. You can sort it after, this is supposed to be train of thought.
Ridiculous inventions yet a life saver if you're a chronic hermit like me.
I don't have to leave my house for a week? Awesome.
Talking to this girl on one. She called me a cutie. I called her a cutie back.
I'm putting my life on the line before consulting my best friends. Jenny! Rhiann! Why are you sleeping???
I'm seeing them this week so its fine. If anyone will be able to ease my mind it's those two.
I HAVE TO SLEEP YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND I NEED FUCKING SLEEP
MY BODY IS ACHING FOR IT
BRAIN. HEAD. MIND. SHUT UP. I NEED REST. PLEASE. JUST SHUT UP.
Breathing hasn't helped thus far but writing has calmed me down.
I feel like I'm heading back to square one but I know I'm not. I'm okay, just backsliding a little
I'm gonna need to do this a lot to tackle the next two weeks.
Can't you just give me money for being awesome and a drain on my mother?